My aunt told me that the first time she met me was at our house. I was 5 years old. She said I instantly loved her and wanted to give her a gift before she left. I ran to get a pen and gave it to her. She said she thought that was such a tender and trusting thing to do, to create a gift and then offer it with such an open heart. This story returns to me at times, a reminder that there was a time, however long ago, when I was completely open and trusting. I am grateful for this story.
Early on in my relationship with my husband Daniel, he took me on a date to a backyard BBQ party hosted by his friends. One of the guys at the party was an intuitive. He could feel a person’s energy by holding onto a personal object such as a key or ring. He held my apartment key on his forehead and said that I was about to enter into a relationship that was serious, one where I would experience a kind of trust that I had not yet known. Perhaps he was channeling and maybe not. I think it was clear to all that I was very much in love. As we sat in lawn chairs, this same guy looked up as a fellow partier was coming out of the kitchen door and down the back steps. He said “ he’s opening up, he’s closing down, he’s opening up, he’s closing down”. We all looked at what the intuitive was observing and it was the funniest thing – we could see exactly that. This fellow partier was slowly coming down the back steps – first with a very open expression on his face, and then as he looked at everyone in the yard, fear shot all across his face, then he softened and then he closed down again. All in a quick flash. My husband and I have stock piled sayings over the years to be used to explain different situations and this is one from the collection – “he’s opening up, he’s closing down, he’s opening up, he’s closing down.”
Developing an awareness of when my own sense of trust is shutting down and my fear is starting to rise seems like a worthwhile endeavor. As I follow the Hebrew calendar into the month of Kislev, I am being led into the darkest month of the year, literally. The themes of this month centers around darkness, natural miracles and on trust, the name Kislev means trust.
I am no longer a child, that is certain. I have had plenty of experiences met with trust betrayed and they do erase themselves but my dear teachers have told me to look for the everyday synchronicities in my life, the miracles that are taking place in my life right now. In doing this, by observing what is and acting from a open heart, the muscle of trust and relationship with the Divine deepens.
This article was originally published in New Moon Project blog http://newmoonproject.org/gezunt/